I am reading a GREAT book right now. Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, and his wife Grace, wrote a wonderful book called, “Real Marriage” (there’s more to the title, but it uses the “s” word, and I’m afraid that will put me on some weird search engines :). It is a book like NO OTHER I have read on the subject of marriage. I just started it yesterday, and I can’t put it down.
As we came into 2012, I was very convicted about how I am investing in my marriage and my family. What things am I doing to bring us closer, and what things am I doing that are driving us apart?
I realized how important it is for my husband and my family, that my relationship with God is of utmost importance to me. I began to work harder to cultivate that. My standing with Christ is not based on my works, but His grace that saved me, and my faith and belief in Him. But it takes work to be a Christian in today’s culture, and I have been intentional about doing that work. It’s important for me to be in the Word every day, and to spend time in prayer every day.
It is important to cultivate my friendship with my husband. Mark, in his book, made the point that many of the “self help” books out there on marriage, don’t even comment on friendship being a significant and important part of a couple’s marriage. Couples, when they get to the empty nest years, find they have nothing in common, nothing to talk about, and don’t really want to spend time together. That is because they didn’t work hard to cultivate a friendship. If a couple is friends, all of the other “stuff” will fall into place…parenting, responsibilities, intimacy..you get my drift.
The book gives several ways you can cultivate your friendship with your spouse, and one of those is “to respect him technologically”. I love that term. What it means is that when you have an ounce of free time (which is iffy for a part-time working, full-time mommying, homeshcooling, house cleaning mom), you are not curled up in a corner on your computer, on your cell phone, or watching tv. Instead you are curled up in a corner with your best friend, cultivating your friendship, and spending time together. I LOVE that.
I have been contemplating that a lot in the last 24 hours, and have decided what that means for me. It means scaling way down on my computer time, reducing my Facebook friends to only friends I know personally and family (I don’t mind missing out on news from people I know and family, because I know I’ll eventually hear it in person), deleting unnecessary apps off of my iPhone so I’m not tempted to sit and play with them when I have a free minute, reducing the number of blogs I follow/read to just my favorite jeweler, and my closest online friends, and recipe blogs because I LURVE them, and they are a great help to me. :) It means only blogging when I have a free minute during the day, and NOT when my man is in the vicinity. It means cultivating and growing my relationship with God so that I can love Andy better. It means tuning all the “noise” of the world out when my husband is home, so I can truly be his “helper”, and whatever else he needs from me. If he truly becomes my BEST friend, then he will be the best everything else we are together as well. I.Want.That. Do you?
My blog posts may not be as often, but they will be about things I love, things I’m learning, fun things we’re doing, ways we’re growing, things we’re reading, and how God is growing us. I think that is how God can make His name great through this blog.
I’m just getting to the good part of the book (the “you know what” chapter). Just keeping it real… I’ll let you know what I thought about the whole book when I’m done with it. Mark & Grace are living examples of how God can heal a marriage, make two people the best of friends, and redeem the “years the locusts have eaten”. You know I’m all over that…He’s done it for us too.
Real Marriage, by Mark & Grace Driscoll…you.must.read :)
**EDIT** Andy asked me if I would read the book with him, so I started over, and we’re reading the book together :) LOVE it!