A Bit of a Creative Bone…

It seems I grew a bit of a creative bone for something other than music tonight! I have wanted to have an advent calendar for YEARS, and never really grooved on the ones I saw online.  The one I really wanted was out of stock, so I decided to make my own this year.

We are reading Ann Voskamp’s book, “The Greatest Gift” for Advent this year, and it comes with 25 ornaments for a “Jesse tree.”  I’m not sure what that is, but I didn’t have the money to buy another tree, and didn’t really want to put paper ornaments on our big tree.  So I came up with the idea of printing the ornaments as small as possible, and doing an advent calendar instead.  I am very happy with the results.

We started with some bright red construction paper, a calendar template made up in Excel, and a banner with a pretty font made up in Word.  We printed some little snowflakes, then we got out the markers and colored little bits of green and red on each of them. We printed out the verse of Scripture from the front of Ann’s book, and then taped everything together with that wonderful new Scotch tape thingy you just run along the paper (SO convenient).  We put it all up on the wall in our kitchen, and affixed a small envelope underneath to hold all of the little Jesse stickers.  We now have a Jesse themed Advent calendar.  I saved all of the templates, and maybe we’ll use a different color each year, and a different theme!

We will read a chapter from Ann’s book every night until Christmas, and the kids will take turns putting the stickers on the calendar.  I think it will be so wonderful! I remember my mom making little sashes that hung on the wall with a cute little poem on top (wish I could remember what it said, and wish I still had my sash), and a piece of candy for each day.  We ate one each night and when we ate the last one it was Christmas!  I loved that as a kid, but wanted something a little more meaningful for us as a family.  I think this calendar and book will be just the thing.  We are getting a late start because we were too busy partying for my birthday yesterday, so we’ll read two chapters tonight and put TWO stickers on the calendar.  I can’t wait! 

Here’s what Morgan and I came up with…

Jesse stickers and a closer view of the snowflakes…

                      

The lovely verse of Scripture from Isaiah 11 that is at the beginning of the book…

Full view, though a little blurry!

I’ll let you know how the book reading goes. I’m really looking forward to this. It is something I have always wanted to do with my family!

PS…I used the font “Adorable” for the December banner and verse, and the font “KidPrint” for the calendar numbers.  I always like to know that when I see others’ creations, so thought I’d share that too!

It’s That Time of Year…

So the holidays are upon us again.  For us that means two birthdays, lots of rehearsals, two big Christmas programs, beloved family in town, cousins sleepovers, staff parties, shopping, planning, enjoying, and just being…

I hope in the hustle and bustle of this time of year, we do not lose sight of the reason for this beautiful season.  God sent His beloved Son into the world to die for our sins so that we could spend eternity with Him.  As wonderful as this season is, and as great as it is to put up all of the decorations and give/receive presents, NOTHING compares to what Jesus did for us.  That beautiful baby grew up to be a man, and sacrificed His life in obedience to His Father.  He died so we can live, and live more abundantly. 

Christmas is beautiful…but never forget that first Christmas. I thank God for the family He has given me, and the joy we have all together.  But I’m so much more grateful for Jesus Christ, for without Him nothing else is possible.

Enjoy the holidays, and celebrate JESUS!

   

Anniversary Weekend…

This Sunday, June 24th, is our 17th wedding anniversary. I love to reflect on my wedding day on the days surrounding each anniversary.  I pull out videos, programs, pictures, music tracks, and just enjoy thinking about what was one of the most amazing days in my life. 

By the time I got married in 1995, I had already played for close to 150 weddings myself.  So I had TONS of ideas for what I wanted to do at my own wedding.  I started by hiring the most AMAZING wedding coordinator known to man.  When I hired my friend Patty, she basically told me to tell her what I wanted, and she’d make it happen.  And that she did!  I wrote a “script” for the ceremony and the hours surrounding it, because I wanted to be sure that everyone involved knew exactly what I wanted to happen.  Patty took that script and made it come to life.  She did it in such a way that I could focus on Andy and me on our wedding day, and not worry a BIT about what was going on in the background.  It just happened…

So a good coordinator is a MUST.  She walked through everything with me ahead of time, and on the big day she was on a mission.  And she didn’t take any guff from anyone that didn’t want to cooperate. If she told you to get out of the sanctuary because pictures were about to take place, you better get moving. :)  She was GOOD. Not one thing went wrong that day, and I owe it all to Patty.

I also hired another friend to be my personal assistant for the whole day, and I think that is a MUST as well.  Joann was never out of my vision the whole day, and all I had to do was look at her and she came running.  The only time she wasn’t right there is when I walked the aisle.  She fluffed my train, and then sat and enjoyed the ceremony.  There is a point in my wedding video where I can see her get up and walk to the foyer, so she would be out there when I came back down the aisle.  She was a God-send that day, and an immense help to me. 

I hired another friend to shoot our pictures. Since she came with my other friends and stayed with me, she was there to shoot pictures of all the set up, decorating going on, rehearsal pictures, and the ceremony, and both receptions we had after the ceremony (a smaller reception in the evening with Andy’s family at their home).  I got EVERY proof, every picture, and I LOVE my pictures. She got a lot of behind the scenes stuff that might not otherwise be included in wedding albums.

Music….I am a musical girl, so I wanted my ceremony to be VERY musical.  It was everything I hoped it would be in that department.  I had a friend who had just graduated from the music program at MSU, and he was AMAZING on the piano.  I had had my heart set on coming down the aisle to the wedding song from “The Sound of Music” minus the part where everyone sings about how to solve a problem like me. :)  I wanted the big pipe organ sound and all.  Only thing was, that was my specialty for weddings (big pipe organ sound), and I would be kind of tied up that day. :)  My friend suggested an original wedding march he had written for a friend’s wedding, and I would be only the second one to have it played at my wedding.  He played it, and though I thought is was beautiful, I didn’t want just piano. I really love a full, orchestral sound. The song would play for the whole wedding party entering, the flower girl/ring bearer, and then the bride.  He mentioned that he could sequence the song into his keyboard and add a whole orchestral background.  He asked me to imagine the song building right before I would come in, and a big cymbal crash when the doors would open and I enter the room.  I was sold! The song was WAY more than I imagined it could be, and is one of the most beautiful pieces of music I have ever heard.  I can now play it myself, and am finally comfortable to suggest it to brides that I work with now. (Doug had it played at his own wedding the next year, with a live orchestra!) The day before our wedding, the girls and I practiced walking down the aisle so that Patty could time the music, and know when to send each person down the aisle.  She timed it perfectly.  I was a bit worried about “canned” music, but it went fine. Doug just hit a button on the keyboard, and away we went. I had so many people tell me that it was a breathtaking moment when the cymbals crashed, the doors flew open, and there I was.  It is a moment I’ll never forget.  I watch the video each year, and I still get shivers.

My pianist friend had a great lineup of prelude music, and we had a dear friend playing her flute with him.  He also played the postlude, and the flutist’s husband played his soprano sax.  It was all amazing music. I had four soloists. They were all vocalists in a praise band I was in at the time, and all of my musicians played in the band as well.  I wanted a song sung as soon as I came up the aisle, so that I could stand with my dad for a bit.  I didn’t want to be given away too soon :).  My friend Dina sang “This Day” by Point of Grace, one of my most favorite songs.  I had just sung it 7 months earlier at my sister’s wedding.  My friend Deb sang a song by Debbie Boone called, “Friends for Life” a bit later in the ceremony.  After the charge to the bride and groom (by none other than Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of “Love and Respect”…yes he married us!), our friend Rick sang “If You Could See What I See” by Geoff Moore & The Distance.  Then during the lighting of the unity candle our dear, soprano friend Penny sang “The Lord’s Prayer”.   Later, the whole praise team played at our reception (songs from a CD we had made together) while we had our pictures taken.  I even got to join them on the keyboard for a special number I was featured on, on the CD.  It was fun playing in my wedding dress! :)

We paid each of these musicians (soloists included) for playing in our wedding, and each one of them gave the money back to us as a wedding gift.  Their music was our gift, and that was so special to us. I was so touched by that… They were dear dear friends of ours, and remain so to this day!

Our ceremony was an hour long, but it was all we had ever hoped for and more! We knew we were only doing this one time, so we wanted it to be special for us.  It was an incredible day that went off without a hitch, because of the people that came alongside us to make it wonderful.  Andy and I always like to watch our wedding video on each anniversary, and this year will be no exception.  It still feels like it was yesterday to me, and doesn’t seem possible that we’ve been married 17 years.  We were different people then, and marriage has been hard work, but there is no one on this earth I love more than Andy, and no one I’d rather be with.  He has been an incredible husband, and has loved me through some of the worst times of our lives.  I would go back and do it all over again, and not change one thing.  God has been with us, and will continue to be the center of our marriage.  We are nothing without Him. 

Happy Anniversary to my dear Andrew…I love you with all of my heart!

The Music Is Fading…

I don’t know if I have shared this much on my blog, but I play the piano.  I have played since I was four years old.  I took piano lessons for a few years, but I had the world’s WORST teacher in my opinion, and hardly learned a thing. I mostly play by ear. I mean I can literally hear a song, and sit down and play it.  It is a gift… By that, I mean that it is a present to me from God, not that I’m extraordinarily talented.  I can’t imagine another way God could give me to serve Him, that would bring me as much joy as my music does.

I don’t have a fancy music degree, and frankly I have never really studied music.  I took a couple theory courses so that I could teach piano, but that’s it.  What I can do is straight from God.  It is enough for me.  I’m content with what I can do, because I am able to use it for God.

In the early 90’s I did have the privilege of working with two professional musicians who taught me how to read chords.  One would not take no for an answer, and forced me to play things that were out of my comfort zone.  It changed the way I played and created music, and I am eternally grateful to him for that.  They never made me feel like I was less than them, even with the musical accomplishments they had.  That is not always the case.  I have worked with professional musicians who made it clear I was half the musician they were, and I’d leave feeling worthless and discouraged with the talent God gave me. That’s sinful, because God gave me what He gave me, and I shouldn’t compare that to anyone else’s gifts…he doesn’t :)

My friend shared the other day that the Holy Spirit speaks to her when she gardens…something she enjoys.  I feel the same way about my music.  For several years, my music felt like my only link to God.  I struggled with my faith, but God still spoke to me through my music.  I think He gave it to me for that reason.  He knew there would be a period in my life when I would need it, and it would be all that kept me from running away.  It turned out to be that that is exactly what happened…

Last year, I got a horrific ear infection.  It was the first one I had ever had, and it was really bad.  My doctor thought it was mastoiditis, which is a very severe infection that gets into the bone of the skull.  Thankfully it was not that.  I lost a significant amount of my hearing because of that infection, and it has never been fully restored.  I play on Sundays now with a monitor blaring in my right ear so I can hear. 

The past few weeks I have noticed that it is getting increasingly hard for me to hear, and found out today that I have an infection in my right ear now. Thankfully we found it early, and I’m on meds.  Hopefully it won’t escalate into the kind of infection I had before.

It is a scary thing for a musician to lose any amount of hearing.  I have wondered this week if I’ll someday be listening to the vibrations of the piano like Beethoven, or will have to give up my beloved ministry because I can’t hear.  Would I be able to be content with that?  I think so.  I may not always be able to play publicly like I do now, but because God has given me an “ear” for music, I hear it in my head.  I hear symphonies, all the parts playing together, beautiful, wonderful pieces of music.  I could play it in the quiet of my home if I’m not able to hear it otherwise, but I will always hear it in my head. 

So though the music is fading on the outside, it’s in my heart and my head, and it always will be.  I’m praying fervently that God will restore my hearing, or at least keep me from losing anymore.  I love what I do, and would be sad to give it up.  However, I’m content with whatever God’s will is for my life…

Reflections Of The Way Life Used To Be…

I am not a very big fan of change.  2011 for us was a BIG year of change.  We had changes in our church that were SO painful to go through…dear friends leaving after being there for years with us.  This caused an uneasiness in our hearts and caused us to question ourselves if we were where God wants us to be.

We watched friendships that were once close, all but disappear before our eyes. Contact was less and less before it just stopped.  Beloved family members no longer have relationship with us.  One so hateful and angry that his words bite and sting our hearts. Others, just no words at all where there was once a treasured friendship.

We came to the end of 2011 with hurting hearts.  We entered 2012 praying that it would be a better year.  We came into it with a new attitude.  Our only comfort in life is that God is our Father, He is our friend, He is our brother, He is the only constant, and truly the only One we can depend on.  That is as it should be, and may be why we have watched Him strip almost every relationship that was important to us away, until our only focus is Him.   Maybe those very relationships we treasured became an idol, because they kept us from the One who deserves our love, affection, and time.

What we did see God do in 2011 that was good, is that He brought us closer together as a family than we’ve ever been.  We love each other more than we ever have, the four of us, and our marriage is stronger than ever.  It has been a fight with all that came against us.

We did not come out of 2011 unscathed or unscarred.  But we came out with renewed hope and trust that God knows all things, He is in control of all things, and He has our best good in mind ALL THE TIME.  He is changing US, and molding and making us into the family that He wants us to be.  There are no 3 people on this earth that I would rather spend time with than the 3 I have right here in my home.

So, though I don’t like change,  and I reflect on how things used to be, I’m grateful for all that God has done in our lives, and all that He has taught us as a family, and as a couple.  It has deepened our affections for Christ, and made us love Him more…I wouldn’t trade that for anything we have lost in the process…

I love these 3 with all of my heart, and I’m grateful that they are part of my life.  God is good….ALL THE TIME!

Best Christmas Memory…

I believe that nothing can top your first Christmas together as a married couple.  You begin to establish your own traditions, divide your time between both sides of the family, and you have your own celebrations that will make memories never to be forgotten.

In the summer of 1996, we realized that we would celebrate our second Christmas with a baby.  We would have a family, new ornaments, and the joy of a little one to share those precious times with.  It was a dream I had had since I was a little girl, and there was nothing in the world I wanted more than to be a wife, and a mother.

Many of you know that the latter part of that dream crashed and burned for us in August of 1996.  That baby we had so looked forward to sharing Christmas with, died.  She died.  In only our second year of marriage we buried a child. 

Instead of joy, I looked forward to that Christmas with dread.  I didn’t even want a tree.  We received ornaments to put on the tree for a little girl that would never be in our home.  We had a third stocking that would never be filled with Christmas goodies.  Instead of baby gifts, I bought a grave blanket and trudged through the snow to uncover my daughter’s grave and rest the blanket there.  I hated that Christmas.  The whole focus was on a baby, and my baby was dead.  I could barely stand to sing the Christmas carols, and could barely tolerate the family get togethers.  My SIL had had a baby 5 weeks after we lost Madison, and though she was very sensitive to us during that time, it was still so difficult to watch everyone hold him, and not be able to share our daughter in the same way.  It was the most painful holiday season I have ever been through.

The next spring, we found out we were expecting another baby.  Because we were “surprised” with Madison, and she ended up dying, I never got to call her by her name or know while I was carrying her what sex she was.  I decided that I would not go through that again.  At our ultrasound appointment I found out I was carrying a baby boy.  We had already picked his name, so we began calling him “Parker”, and using his name when we talked to him.

Parker’s due date was January 3, 1998.  For me, that meant ANOTHER Christmas with no baby.  There was the anxious hope of one, but he would not be there for Christmas.  I remember crying out to God one evening in the fall and saying, “Jesus, I KNOW this is selfish, but I just CAN’T go through another Christmas without a baby in my arms.”  I didn’t believe God would answer that prayer in my favor, but I wanted to let Him know my heart.

All through that pregnancy I was high risk, and watched closely because of what happened with Madison.  Late in my pregnancy, it was determined that a normal birth would not be safe or wise for Parker and me.  I had a lot of things going on medically, and our biggest priority was to bring a LIVE baby into this world.  I wanted the normal birth (I got to have that with Madison), but not at the cost of my baby’s life.  It was determined that the safest and best route for us would be a scheduled c-section. My doctor felt it was best to not let Parker go past 37 weeks in my womb, because that is when we lost Madison.  I had the same health struggles, and for safety reasons we agreed to it. 

37 weeks for me meant that the baby would be born in 1997, and most likely right before Christmas!  If I went into labor before 37 weeks my doctor would go ahead and deliver,  but he wanted to keep Parker baking as long as possible because an amnio at 36 weeks had determined his lungs were not ready (due to my diabetes).  We scheduled the c-section for December 17th.

On December 17, 1997 I gave birth (by c-section) to the most beautiful little boy I have ever laid eyes on.  He was not breathing on his own when he was born, so I was only given a split second to see him before he was whisked off to the NICU, where he remained for the next 5 days. 

15 hours after my surgery, our nurse (a dear friend who was also with me for Madison’s normal birth) put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me to the NICU.  It was 3:00 in the morning, and the lights were dim.  I watched a nurse lift a tiny bundle out of an incubator.  He had seemingly hundreds of wires and tubes attached to him.  She walked over to me, and placed that bundle in my arms for the first time.  He was wide awake, and two of the biggest, most beautiful brown eyes locked with mine, and I was in love!  I got to hold him for 30 glorious minutes while the nurses tended to other little ones on the other side of the room.  Parker watched me as I spoke to him, kissed his face, and sang to him.  Those little eyes looked at me with recognition, and I was thrilled to realize he was mine, he was breathing, (with help), and he was alive. This little man would come home with me. 

Once I was able to get up and walk on my own, I was down at the NICU every second I possibly could be, spending time with my little man.  I was allowed to try to nurse him a few times, but he had to be on the oxygen so we couldn’t keep him out of his bed long.  I remember weeping uncontrollably the day I got to wheel him out of the NICU and bring him to my own room to stay.  I will never forget the feeling of picking him up and sitting in the rocker with him, knowing he was my son, and he was safely here. This time, I would leave that hospital with a baby in my arms…

One week after his birthday I packed him up and took him to our church’s Christmas Eve service.  I have never been more proud in my life, as I was when I walked to the front of the church carrying my beautiful baby boy, to pick up a candle for “Silent Night”.  How grateful I was that God had given me the desire of my heart….a Christmas baby.  The early birth was the safest thing for both of us, and Parker got strong and thrived fast.  He has been healthy as a horse since, and has been the most delightful son ever a mother could ask for.

Parker is my favorite Christmas memory… God’s gift to this world was the birth of His Son, our Savior.  God’s gift to me that Christmas was the birth of my son, bringing healing and joy back to our home, and fulfilling a lifelong dream for me.

Tomorrow that precious gift will turn 14!  He is becoming a man, and I can hardly believe it.  I look up to his face now, and listen to his voice deepen.  His eyes are the same, that darling grin is still there, and when we sit together on the couch, he will still take my hand and play with my pinky finger…who needed a pacifier?  He just wanted to hold momma’s hand :)  I love that boy with all of my heart, and thank God every day for the extraordinary gift that Parker was and is to me.

Happy Birthday Parker Andrew…my heart overflows with immense love for you!

Here is Parker’s first picture in the NICU.  His Oma took this, because I was still recovering from the surgery, and had to wait until the anesthesia wore off to get up and walk. I was sad that others saw him before me, but I’m glad to have this first picture of him.

Here is our little pumpkin a week later.  We laid him on the couch next to a stocking to show how tiny he was :)

Here is my sweet boy today…sigh…

Happy Birthday darling boy!  God has used you to do wonderful things in our family, and I know He will use you throughout your life for His glory.  We are blessed to call you our son!