Monday, May 13, 2013

Mother’s Day…

Mother’s Day is a bittersweet day for me.  I don’t know about you, but growing up all I wanted to do was be a wife and mother.  As I got later into my twenties and God had not yet brought “the one” into my  life, I started to worry that that dream was not going to come true. 

I met Andy just after I turned 28.  We got married when we both were 29, gave ourselves a few months to get used to living together, and got started on the mutual dream we had to have lots of babies. Like 5 or 6 babies.  God gave us the desire of our heart, but not in the way we had hoped, and not without a great deal of pain, suffering, and deep deep heartache.

On my first Mother’s Day, I should have been dedicating a 9 month old baby girl.  I was there, she wasn’t.  God took our little bean to Heaven at 37 weeks, before she even took a breath.  So Mother’s Day was filled with tears, heartache, some anger, and confusion over whether I should stand with the other mothers, or stay seated as I had no children there with me.

God gave me two more beautiful children.  I love them dearly.  I wouldn’t trade either of them for ANYTHING.  But I always miss the dear little girl that made me a mother…


Every Mother’s Day I like to go to the cemetery and spend some time with Madison.  I know she’s not there, but I love having a place to go and just be with her and her memory.  I have taken story books over the years, and read to her.  I have sat there and just enjoyed the cool breezes as I think about how quickly she darted in and out of my life.  Sometimes I will take her pictures with me, and look at them as I sit there.

This year we were invited to my Mom’s house for Mother’s Day, so we only had a few minutes to visit the cemetery.  I took everyone with me this time.  We snapped a few pictures, and then I made everyone go to the car so I could have a few minutes alone with my firstborn…






My kids and my husband GO OUT OF THEIR WAY to make sure Mother’s Day is wonderful for me.  I allow myself that time to remember the little girl that made me a mother, and then I move on to celebrate being a mom to the two AMAZING Lovies God gave us to raise.

I got breakfast in bed Sunday morning, a fun bag of gifts, and lots of quality time with my kiddos.  Morgan and I even got to sing together in a mother/daughter choir at church.  I got to stand right behind her and keep my hands on her shoulders the whole time.  It was a special time for us.

Mother’s Day will always be bittersweet, but I’m so grateful for my two children (not possible for me to carry 5-6 kids), and I thank God for them every day, and for making me their momma….best job in the world!

Happy Mother’s Day to all of my Momma friends!


Anita Johnson said...

What a very sweet post, Kathleen. Happy Mother's Day to you!

Leanne said...


LONG TIME no talk!

I was so surprised and delighted to see your comment on my Janie post.....

The grief will always be sure does hurt at times. I'd have gone up to Her Place, which is also now Olivia Caroline's place too, to see her but I don't have a car right now! So...

Thank you for checking in with me. I've thought about you and wondered about you.....I won't be a stranger on your blog and don't be a stranger to mine either!

Take care!