Mother’s Day is a bittersweet day for me. I don’t know about you, but growing up all I wanted to do was be a wife and mother. As I got later into my twenties and God had not yet brought “the one” into my life, I started to worry that that dream was not going to come true.
I met Andy just after I turned 28. We got married when we both were 29, gave ourselves a few months to get used to living together, and got started on the mutual dream we had to have lots of babies. Like 5 or 6 babies. God gave us the desire of our heart, but not in the way we had hoped, and not without a great deal of pain, suffering, and deep deep heartache.
On my first Mother’s Day, I should have been dedicating a 9 month old baby girl. I was there, she wasn’t. God took our little bean to Heaven at 37 weeks, before she even took a breath. So Mother’s Day was filled with tears, heartache, some anger, and confusion over whether I should stand with the other mothers, or stay seated as I had no children there with me.
God gave me two more beautiful children. I love them dearly. I wouldn’t trade either of them for ANYTHING. But I always miss the dear little girl that made me a mother…
Every Mother’s Day I like to go to the cemetery and spend some time with Madison. I know she’s not there, but I love having a place to go and just be with her and her memory. I have taken story books over the years, and read to her. I have sat there and just enjoyed the cool breezes as I think about how quickly she darted in and out of my life. Sometimes I will take her pictures with me, and look at them as I sit there.
This year we were invited to my Mom’s house for Mother’s Day, so we only had a few minutes to visit the cemetery. I took everyone with me this time. We snapped a few pictures, and then I made everyone go to the car so I could have a few minutes alone with my firstborn…
My kids and my husband GO OUT OF THEIR WAY to make sure Mother’s Day is wonderful for me. I allow myself that time to remember the little girl that made me a mother, and then I move on to celebrate being a mom to the two AMAZING Lovies God gave us to raise.
I got breakfast in bed Sunday morning, a fun bag of gifts, and lots of quality time with my kiddos. Morgan and I even got to sing together in a mother/daughter choir at church. I got to stand right behind her and keep my hands on her shoulders the whole time. It was a special time for us.
Mother’s Day will always be bittersweet, but I’m so grateful for my two children (not possible for me to carry 5-6 kids), and I thank God for them every day, and for making me their momma….best job in the world!
Happy Mother’s Day to all of my Momma friends!
