A Few Changes…

It’s been a while since I have been able to write a post for this blog.  I have much to tell you few who read my blog.  I’d like to tell you about the amazing events surrounding the celebration of Madison’s 18th birthday.  It was truly the most memorable of all of her birthdays for me.  My darling immediate family went above and beyond to make it an absolute joyful time for me…in spite of the fact that I miss this girl beyond words.  I will write a post about it soon and share some very special pictures.

The kids started back to school for their second year of online studies.  We got a much better start this year! The students are staying on track, and I’m happy to report are doing very well.  I love having them home with me, but having so much less of the burden to make sure they are learning.  I just didn’t feel qualified anymore.  I still oversee everything they are learning and I’m able to raise a ruckus if something doesn’t sit right with me.  I can write more about this later as well.

Probably the biggest change in my life is my drastic eating lifestyle change.  I got turned on to a page on Facebook called Wheat Belly.  I started to research it, bought the books, read testimonials, and viewed before and after pictures of people who have eliminated wheat from their diets. I.was.sold.  I bought the cookbooks, emptied my home of all things wheat (it is in SO much), and away we went.  I am not on a gluten free diet…there is a difference. On a gluten free diet you can still have some grains, and I have eliminated all of them.   The wheat we get today is genetically modified and wreaks havoc on so many systems in our bodies.  It can cause fat to accumulate in our abdomens…hence the name “Wheat Belly.”  Amazingly, people have adapted this lifestyle in their homes, and the transformation is incredible.  I have been on it for nearly a month.  I went through a withdrawal period (there are appetite stimulating opiates in today’s wheat that are like drugs in your system), and that was less than desirable.  I felt miserable for a few days.  But now…my constant joint/muscle pain is gone, my clothes are getting loose, I feel great, my appetite has decreased in a major way, I’m eating healthy stuff, I can think more clearly, and my blood sugars are coming down.  This may even allow me to eliminate all of my medications within the year.  That is an incredible thought for me….no more insulin shots? I’ll take it!

I probably won’t turn this into a food blog, but I intend to post a great deal about my pursuit of healthy living. I’ll share recipes I’ve discovered, blogs that have been a great help to me, and maybe some progress pictures! I don’t think I’ll ever share my before pictures, but we’ll see…

As I said before, wheat is in SO much of what we buy now, that it was tricky to eliminate.  I also eliminated refined sugar, and limited my carbs and dairy drastically.  You’d be amazed at how much is still out there to eat, and how DELICIOUS it is.  I am no longer craving sugar or carbs, and I have not had a coke in over a month.  That is HUGE for me.  Coke is like alcohol to me.  I LOVE it, and it’s been the hardest habit for me to break.  I’d take an ice cold coke over almost anything any day.  But I can now sit in a restaurant (it’s the only time I allow my kids to have a soda…because I can’t have it in our home), and not try to sneak a sip of my kids’ drinks.  I’m happy with my lemon water…truly happy.  I’m happy because this is working for me, and I’m seeing results.

I’ll be back to share meal plans, menu ideas, a typical lunch for me, and a yummy hot cereal recipe that is rocking my mornings! I never dreamed something would appeal to me more than oatmeal!

One of my most favorite meals is spaghetti.  I didn’t think I’d ever get to have it again, because I can’t have any kind of pasta.  What a bummer.  Then I heard about the Spiralizer, and making “pasta” out of vegetables.  I am happy to report that I had spaghetti for dinner last night with zucchini noodles! It was the BEST I’ve ever had, and there was no guilt afterwards.  It was perfectly healthy.  I did not have that bloated full feeling you get after eating a big plate of pasta. I just had a wonderful full feeling that carried me through to bedtime.  No more evening snacks for me! Not because I can’t, I just don’t need one.  I’m not hungry anymore. Here is a picture of my spaghetti! It was so delicious!

So….I’ll pop in more often, because I have so much to share!  I’m getting healthy in other areas of my life, and I’ll share that with you as well.  Great things are happening at our casa!  Be back soon!

Sacred Ground…

Today was the day. I didn’t think it would come this soon.  I was getting ready for work when a call came through from the nurse that helped me deliver Madison.  She called to let me know that the room was available if there was any way that I could come to the hospital right then.  Thankfully I have a flexible job and I was able to get my things together and head right for the hospital.  I first called my husband to let him know that I could wait until Friday and he would be able to come with me…but our nurse would not be able to be there with us.  Or, I could go today by myself and she would be there.  He thought it was really important that I get to see her, so I went alone.  I could not hold back the tears and my heart raced with fear.

I met Debbie just outside the elevators on the second floor and we walked to the Labor & Delivery unit.  She asked if the spur of the moment was better than having too much time to think about it and I agreed.   We chatted small talk as we walked slowly toward room 225.  I just walked in…I have only stood outside that room since the day I left the hospital empty handed, without my baby girl.  Just a small green memory box in my hands…I wanted to throw that box.  That room has been a source of fear for me all these years…the subject of countless recurring nightmares, and the cause of some very difficult emotional and mental problems that led to deeper psychiatric problems.  Without going into detail, I didn’t even think of returning to that room EVER until her 16th birthday.  The timing has just not been right until now.

Until today…I walked in and set my things on the counter.  I turned and faced the bed and swiftly dissolved into tears.  This room…the very place where I lost my biggest dream, my biggest hope, where the very worst day of my life occurred. It was surreal to be there again.  I sobbed and could hardly catch my breath.  The door was closed and Debbie stood nearby in silence.  Then I just started talking.  We shared memories back and forth for the next 30 minutes.  I pointed around the room to various spots and remarked about what happened there.  The corner where they took her to weigh, bathe, and dress her.  The window spot where my Daddy carefully carried his 9th grandchild to sing “Jesus Loves Me” to her like he did every other grandchild.  The bathroom where I stood in the shower the morning of her birth, sobbing and staring at a very pregnant belly that now held a dead child.  The bed…that I was confined to most of my time there because of the meds taken to relieve the pain of back labor, and the pain of the damage to my body afterwards.  A chair in the same spot where I woke to find Debbie praying for me when everyone had left the room for a lunch break.

After our time of talking I asked if I could take some pictures.  Debbie said she would leave me alone to do that, and she left and closed the door.  There I was…left to face my biggest fear…alone.  I covered every inch of that room with my camera.  What memories are not forever etched on my mind, I will be able to see in pictures.  There have been changes…but it’s the same place.  The only place my sweet girl touched.  The place where I got to hold her and love on her for a few glorious hours.  I wept and laid my hands on the end of the bed…that spot where we laid her to undress her to her diaper and prepare her to leave us.  We counted toes and fingers, planted enough kisses to last a lifetime (is that even possible?), wrapped her in a new blanket and watched in utter despair and heartache as she was wheeled out of our room and we got our last glimpse of her.

When I was done taking pictures, Debbie came back in and one of the aids took a picture of us together.  It is the one I will share with you.  This angel of mercy who cared for me and prayed over me in my time of need.  This sister in Christ who didn’t normally work afternoons, and “just happened to be there” that day. This sweet lady who remembers that day like it was yesterday…just like I do.  This one who made this incredible visit possible for me.

Before we left the room, we both laid our hands on the end of the bed, and Debbie prayed over me again.  We made our way down the hall and visited the room where we got the news that our dear little girl had died.  I did not need to stay there long.  That room was somewhat “redeemed” to me when our little niece Athena was born there almost to the day eleven years after that horrible night. On our way back through Labor & Delivery I stopped to take a picture of the room number.

Then Debbie walked me down to the front entrance of the hospital, we shared one last hug, and I left.

I walked on sacred ground today.  A very special little girl darted in and out of our lives in that room and I will never forget.  We celebrate her and remember her pretty much alone these days…as a family.  There is no mention of her or remembrance of her to us by either side of our extended families.  It has hurt me deeply for years, but I am ready to let that go.  We are happy to have her all to ourselves and celebrate her life the way we want to.  I have a dear friend that makes jewelry and she made me a special pair of peridot earrings (August birthstone) to honor this year that Madison would have graduated, and her 18th birthday.  I put them on this morning before I even got the call to go to the hospital.  God knew…

I am so blessed to have had this opportunity today, and I’m so grateful to Debbie for making it possible for me.  It is not a scary place to me anymore.  I don’t think I’ll have those dreams anymore.  Today the sunbeams were shining through the windows, and it was a place of peace for this Mama.  It was a time for remembering the beautiful moments of that day and how God worked it all out for our good.  I’m so grateful…

The Winds of Change Are Blowing…

Here it is nearly the end of summer and I have not posted! It’s been a busy summer.  There is a lot of change going on in our household.  Some of it has been tough…that refining type of change I mentioned in a post some months ago.  God continuously works on our hearts weeding out those things that don’t belong in our lives.  We have watched circumstances in our lives change all around us.  My job at church has changed, my husband’s job has changed, relationships have changed…and sometimes those changes are the hardest to take.  I’m not personally a fan of change…I like my little routine and I like to stick to it.  God has shown us this year that some change is good no matter how painful it is.  Often we don’t see that until much later and are able to look back on the ways God has worked for our good.

Here we are three weeks from the start of school.  That is one area in which there will hopefully be no change this year.  The kids will be part of the virtual online academy again.  They enjoyed it last year and did really well.  I liked being less hands on though I was still right here with them as they did their studies.  I just didn’t feel equipped to take on high school being the principle teacher, so this has been a very good experience for us.  The kids had a phenomenal mentor teacher, and really great content teachers as well.  I especially adored the English teachers.  It was a joy for me to watch them make writers out of my Lovies.  There was some pretty amazing writing going on in this household this past year. I was so proud because I did not emphasize that particular skill while I was teaching the kids…I concentrated more on their actual handwriting and making sure they kept up the penmanship as they both have beautiful penmanship. So I was glad to see them embrace the writing assignments this year, though difficult, and do really well on them.  Both children got 100% on their final writing projects which count as their final exams.  I was a pretty proud Mama.

Probably the biggest change coming up for us is going to be a dietary change.  I’ve been researching wheat and its effects on our diet and our health.  I have several health issues including diabetes and high blood pressure.  For quite some time I have had full body joint pain and headaches.  As I researched wheat and read testimonials of people who have eliminated it from their diets, people just like me were testifying that the same symptoms I’m struggling with were disappearing within weeks of eliminating wheat from their diets.  Some lost high numbers in pounds, others went off all medications pertaining to diabetes and high blood pressure.  Well…that was enough for me to really want to go for it.  I’m tired of not having energy and feeling crummy most of the time.  And I HATE doing insulin shots…four a day people! I also have to stick my fingers four times a day to check my blood sugar.  I’d do almost anything not to have to do that anymore! My mom gave me a copy of the book “Wheat Belly” and I’m furiously reading it and getting ready to purge my house of all things wheat.  I’ve already collected some recipes, and I’m looking forward to planning my first menu and doing our first wheat free grocery shop! I’m hoping this blog will evolve into one where I can share some great new recipes and meal plans and how the elimination of wheat (possibly dairy and sugar as well) are going for our family.  We’re all on board and excited to get started.

As always, August is a tough month for me.  This one has been more difficult than past years as this one holds a couple big milestones for us.  Madison would have graduated with the class of 2014, and she would have turned 18.  To honor those milestones we took some special photos in the cemetery.  We borrowed a friend’s lovely white cap/gown to do our special photo shoot, and it was just between my husband and me.  I will make copies to hang in our home…but it was really just for my Mama’s heart and the fact that I’ll never have a senior picture of her to hang here.  It was a very emotional time for me, but we were able to capture exactly what I wanted and I’m very pleased with the results.  I’ll share one with you…I could not keep my composure, so the emotion is written all over my face, but I love this shot and how the sun was shining on the beautiful gown hanging in her tree. I nearly fell to my knees when my husband hung it there because it was just so extraordinarily beautiful. Here it is…

Ok…one more…this is the beautiful blanket she was wrapped in when she was born.  The hospital let us keep anything that touched her, so this is one of my most precious possessions…

I have recently been in contact with one of the nurses that was with me when I delivered Madison.  She is arranging for me to go visit the room where I had her.  I’ve never been back and I’m certain it will be an emotional visit, but I’m so grateful for this opportunity to be in that room where I met her and held her for the most precious hours of my life.  I’ll keep you posted.

Hopefully I’ll have time to post more often as our family gets back into a routine soon, and life is lived out in our home for the glory of God!

End of School Year and Another Mini Trip

My Lovies are finishing up their coursework this weekend, and are preparing to take finals next week. After that, summer break will be upon us. I’m hoping to have more time to blog over the summer, and more time to take pictures with my new camera.  I got a Canon Rebel for Christmas, and so far taking pictures with it has been really fun!

My nephew got married last weekend, so we got to spend some time on Lake Michigan, one of our favorite places on earth.  I will NEVER need an ocean.  I’d take Lake Michigan over the ocean any day.  There is just something about it…it’s so special to us. We were able to take a walk on the beach, stick our feet in the water, walk on a pier with a light house, watch the boats come in off of the lake, and experience our first sunburn of 2014.   It was a great weekend, and we got some nice pictures.  I’ll share them with you…

My three Loves outside of our hotel…

My Lovies at the boat marina that was next to our hotel…

My Love at the marina…

Me at the marina…I loved the white adirondack chairs!

My Love and I at the marina…

        My Lovies on the beach…       

             

A walk on the pier to the lighthouse. You can see Morgan in the dark outfit at the back of the group…

Sticking our feet in the water…super cold!

So….after this coming week I will officially have a junior and sophomore in high school! Time is going way too quickly.  The kids are growing up way too fast.  I love these moments we get to spend together in places we love.  There is no one on earth I’d rather spend time with than these three people God has given to me to live life with!

I’ll be back soon to post our summer shenanigans!

Spring Has Sprung…

I don’t know about you, but I was SO ready for spring this year.  We had one of the worst winters imaginable, and it seemed to go on FOREVER. Finally spring seems to be here.  Soon my lilacs will be blooming, the lawns will need to be cut again, and warmer weather will be here.  I can’t wait!

Life gets a bit busy in the spring.  The kids are in the final weeks of school and are preparing final papers and getting ready to take final exams.  This will be the first year in a LONG time that we get to take a whole summer vacation.  Since the kids are participating in the virtual academy this year, I don’t have to catch up on anything over the summer! WOOHOO! They have gotten great grades this year and have worked hard.  It took some getting used to for me to just be a supervisor, but I was still able to weigh in on some brainstorming for essays and helping with subjects that were difficult.  I actually wish we had done this sooner.  I love that I can still have the kids home, but I’m grateful that the burden of teaching is off of me.

A few weeks ago we went on a mini spring break to one of our favorite places on earth.  While we were there we broke out our new camera and took a little family photo shoot.  We got some fun shots, and I thought I’d share them here.  Morgan took a couple with her camera as well.  She took a photography class this year, and really enjoyed it.  She is becoming quite the little photographer!

Let’s look at some pictures! My darling Lovies!

My man and his silly kids in the background…

My Love and I strolling along the river (Morgan took these!) Her photo shoots always include a kissing shot, and she says things like, “That’s great! Keep it going! How about another one!” So funny…

               

Another shot of my precious children…

One of my favorites….I love him!

A pretty pine cone…

My Lovies again…

            

And a family shot taken on Morgan’s camera with the timer…Parker is leaning over.  He is really over 6’ tall now, and has passed his dad up!

One more of my Love and I…

Lots going on in the next few weeks, so hopefully I’ll get a chance soon to post! Hope you all have a wonderful spring/summer!

A Very Scary Night…

My husband was on his way home from a business trip last night. He called just as I was getting myself ready for bed.  My daughter answered the phone, and when she brought the phone to me, she simply told me that Daddy needed to talk to me. I knew right away something was wrong.  His voice sounded agitated and scared. He proceeded to tell me that he drove into a white out (sudden flurry of snow that makes visibility impossible), lost control of his car, and rolled into the median of the highway….Panic ensued.

“When you say roll, do you mean you actually rolled the car?” The answer was yes. By this time I was screaming, wondering if he was ok, where he was, if police had been called, and how I could get to him.

When he hit the white out he could not see the road.  He drifted onto the rumble strip that signifies you are going onto the shoulder of the freeway.  He jerked the wheel back to the left causing his car to spin out of control  He crossed three lanes of freeway, narrowly missed a guardrail, and then rolled over into the median.  He couldn’t tell if he had rolled into oncoming traffic, so he began to panic.  Within seconds, a trucker who was going the opposite way on the freeway and witnessed the accident, banged on his window asking if he was ok.  When Andy said he thought he was ok, the guy busted the right passenger window out, and Andy had to crawl between the front seats on the roof of the car and out the window. 

The kids and I jumped in the van and took off for the accident site.  In retrospect, I shouldn’t have taken the kids with me.  I knew Andy was out of the car and safe, but coming up on the accident scene was one of the most horrific things I have ever experienced.  I could see the silhouette of his car in the oncoming headlights, and all four wheels were straight up in the air.  I FREAKED, and my poor girl got hysterical.  I couldn’t believe he survived this. Thank the Lord he was wearing his seatbelt.

EMS had come, but Andy thought he was ok, so declined an ambulance ride to the nearest hospital.  Given his recent health history, I was having none of that, so I drove him straight to the hospital once we had taken care of the car details.  He was put in a spinal collar right away.  They were not amused, given his history, that he was not brought by ambulance. They did an immediate chest x-ray because his airbag didn’t deploy.  He had a CT scan and other tests and everything came out fine.  He had some wounds they needed to clean up, but I was able to bring him home very early this morning.

This afternoon the trauma has hit all of us. What a scary night.  Tears have been shed, gratitude has been expressed to God for sparing his life once again, and we are very grateful to still be together the four of us.

We were told this afternoon that the car will probably be totaled. We’ll go take a look at it tomorrow and get all of Andy’s things out of it.  I’m very sad, as he LOVED that car.  But I love his life more, and I’m so glad he’s still with me.

Please pray for Andy as he deals with this trauma, experiences the impact pain, and is now dealing with a nasty sinus infection on top of it all. 

I can handle a sinus infection…so grateful I’m not planning his funeral…

I’ve shared this all on Facebook, but thought there might be those here that aren’t on my friends list there, and might want to know what has happened.  So I thought I’d share it here as well.  I’ll keep you posted on how he’s doing, and what happens with his car…

What A Difference A Day Makes…

We had our staff Christmas lunch at a friend’s house this year.  We had great food, great fellowship, and some seriously funny games to play. While at her house I noticed a really cool wall hanging in her kitchen. It had all of the names of her family members, their birthdates, and her wedding date. At the bottom was this phrase, “What a difference a day makes.”  I just loved it.  I asked my friend if she made it, and she said she had it made somewhere. I should have asked more questions.  I took a picture of the wall hanging, and when I got home I sat down at my computer and tried to make my own.  I didn’t have the same fonts, and couldn’t get the spacing between the entries as close as on my friend’s wall hanging, but I really like what I came up with.

My family bought the lovely frame for me for Christmas, and this is now hanging on my kitchen wall.  I really love it! I plan on changing the fonts once in a while, and maybe even changing the color of the background paper once in a while.  I think I especially love this and it means so much to me because Madison is included on it.  That always makes me happy.  It is clear here that she was our firstborn, and I love for people to see that. I was so excited to hang this up!

A Bit of a Creative Bone…

It seems I grew a bit of a creative bone for something other than music tonight! I have wanted to have an advent calendar for YEARS, and never really grooved on the ones I saw online.  The one I really wanted was out of stock, so I decided to make my own this year.

We are reading Ann Voskamp’s book, “The Greatest Gift” for Advent this year, and it comes with 25 ornaments for a “Jesse tree.”  I’m not sure what that is, but I didn’t have the money to buy another tree, and didn’t really want to put paper ornaments on our big tree.  So I came up with the idea of printing the ornaments as small as possible, and doing an advent calendar instead.  I am very happy with the results.

We started with some bright red construction paper, a calendar template made up in Excel, and a banner with a pretty font made up in Word.  We printed some little snowflakes, then we got out the markers and colored little bits of green and red on each of them. We printed out the verse of Scripture from the front of Ann’s book, and then taped everything together with that wonderful new Scotch tape thingy you just run along the paper (SO convenient).  We put it all up on the wall in our kitchen, and affixed a small envelope underneath to hold all of the little Jesse stickers.  We now have a Jesse themed Advent calendar.  I saved all of the templates, and maybe we’ll use a different color each year, and a different theme!

We will read a chapter from Ann’s book every night until Christmas, and the kids will take turns putting the stickers on the calendar.  I think it will be so wonderful! I remember my mom making little sashes that hung on the wall with a cute little poem on top (wish I could remember what it said, and wish I still had my sash), and a piece of candy for each day.  We ate one each night and when we ate the last one it was Christmas!  I loved that as a kid, but wanted something a little more meaningful for us as a family.  I think this calendar and book will be just the thing.  We are getting a late start because we were too busy partying for my birthday yesterday, so we’ll read two chapters tonight and put TWO stickers on the calendar.  I can’t wait! 

Here’s what Morgan and I came up with…

Jesse stickers and a closer view of the snowflakes…

                      

The lovely verse of Scripture from Isaiah 11 that is at the beginning of the book…

Full view, though a little blurry!

I’ll let you know how the book reading goes. I’m really looking forward to this. It is something I have always wanted to do with my family!

PS…I used the font “Adorable” for the December banner and verse, and the font “KidPrint” for the calendar numbers.  I always like to know that when I see others’ creations, so thought I’d share that too!

It’s That Time of Year…

So the holidays are upon us again.  For us that means two birthdays, lots of rehearsals, two big Christmas programs, beloved family in town, cousins sleepovers, staff parties, shopping, planning, enjoying, and just being…

I hope in the hustle and bustle of this time of year, we do not lose sight of the reason for this beautiful season.  God sent His beloved Son into the world to die for our sins so that we could spend eternity with Him.  As wonderful as this season is, and as great as it is to put up all of the decorations and give/receive presents, NOTHING compares to what Jesus did for us.  That beautiful baby grew up to be a man, and sacrificed His life in obedience to His Father.  He died so we can live, and live more abundantly. 

Christmas is beautiful…but never forget that first Christmas. I thank God for the family He has given me, and the joy we have all together.  But I’m so much more grateful for Jesus Christ, for without Him nothing else is possible.

Enjoy the holidays, and celebrate JESUS!

   

Our Nation’s Capitol…Day One…

Warning: LONG post and LOTS of pictures

My Love and I had the opportunity to go to Washington D.C. a couple weeks ago for a family wedding.  It was an all expenses paid trip, or we would not have been able to do it. We were very grateful to be able to go.  My husband and I have not been away by ourselves in quite some time, so it was so nice to get away with him.  My parents took care of the Lovies, so we were all set.

We flew to D.C. and were picked up at the airport by Andy’s brother and Dad who had already arrived the night before.  We drove to Bethesda, MD and checked into the Hyatt Hotel.  It was GORGEOUS! Our room was on the 6th floor, and was quite lovely.  Here are a few pictures of the lobby…

             

Here is the view from our room…We looked down on a beautiful fountain and the entrance to the metro…

The first evening we were there we rode the metro into the city to see a Washington Nationals baseball game.  I didn’t really groove on the metro ride, or the escalator that took us down to it.  I got quite claustrophobic… The last picture is blurry because it was a rough ride!

            

The game was really fun.  We had two suites for the game, and the food was wonderful.  Here are some pictures from the game…

Can you find me in this picture? It’s kind of like “Where’s Waldo?” If you need a hint, scroll down to see what I was wearing that night…

FIL, SIL, and MIL at game…

Lots of great food…and a great view of the game!

These young people sang the National Anthem, and they were amazing! I always cry when I hear the anthem, and I was about in a full on ugly cry here.  It was so beautiful…probably one of my most favorite arrangements ever.  They just sang it straight, no liberties, and I loved it.

A lovely tribute, and another ugly cry…

Brothers watching the game together, and Baby Evelyn

                 

Duck Dynasty meets Washington Nationals

And a picture of my Love and I at the game…

We did a LOT of walking that evening, and after a day of travel and fun we were tired.  Andy snapped this picture of his parents on the metro when we were heading back to the Hyatt.  They were exhausted!

We had a great first day in D.C. I’ll write later about day two and the wedding festivities! Stay tuned…