The Music Is Fading…

I don’t know if I have shared this much on my blog, but I play the piano.  I have played since I was four years old.  I took piano lessons for a few years, but I had the world’s WORST teacher in my opinion, and hardly learned a thing. I mostly play by ear. I mean I can literally hear a song, and sit down and play it.  It is a gift… By that, I mean that it is a present to me from God, not that I’m extraordinarily talented.  I can’t imagine another way God could give me to serve Him, that would bring me as much joy as my music does.

I don’t have a fancy music degree, and frankly I have never really studied music.  I took a couple theory courses so that I could teach piano, but that’s it.  What I can do is straight from God.  It is enough for me.  I’m content with what I can do, because I am able to use it for God.

In the early 90’s I did have the privilege of working with two professional musicians who taught me how to read chords.  One would not take no for an answer, and forced me to play things that were out of my comfort zone.  It changed the way I played and created music, and I am eternally grateful to him for that.  They never made me feel like I was less than them, even with the musical accomplishments they had.  That is not always the case.  I have worked with professional musicians who made it clear I was half the musician they were, and I’d leave feeling worthless and discouraged with the talent God gave me. That’s sinful, because God gave me what He gave me, and I shouldn’t compare that to anyone else’s gifts…he doesn’t :)

My friend shared the other day that the Holy Spirit speaks to her when she gardens…something she enjoys.  I feel the same way about my music.  For several years, my music felt like my only link to God.  I struggled with my faith, but God still spoke to me through my music.  I think He gave it to me for that reason.  He knew there would be a period in my life when I would need it, and it would be all that kept me from running away.  It turned out to be that that is exactly what happened…

Last year, I got a horrific ear infection.  It was the first one I had ever had, and it was really bad.  My doctor thought it was mastoiditis, which is a very severe infection that gets into the bone of the skull.  Thankfully it was not that.  I lost a significant amount of my hearing because of that infection, and it has never been fully restored.  I play on Sundays now with a monitor blaring in my right ear so I can hear. 

The past few weeks I have noticed that it is getting increasingly hard for me to hear, and found out today that I have an infection in my right ear now. Thankfully we found it early, and I’m on meds.  Hopefully it won’t escalate into the kind of infection I had before.

It is a scary thing for a musician to lose any amount of hearing.  I have wondered this week if I’ll someday be listening to the vibrations of the piano like Beethoven, or will have to give up my beloved ministry because I can’t hear.  Would I be able to be content with that?  I think so.  I may not always be able to play publicly like I do now, but because God has given me an “ear” for music, I hear it in my head.  I hear symphonies, all the parts playing together, beautiful, wonderful pieces of music.  I could play it in the quiet of my home if I’m not able to hear it otherwise, but I will always hear it in my head. 

So though the music is fading on the outside, it’s in my heart and my head, and it always will be.  I’m praying fervently that God will restore my hearing, or at least keep me from losing anymore.  I love what I do, and would be sad to give it up.  However, I’m content with whatever God’s will is for my life…

When the Night is Rough…

I had one of those nights.  It started with great sobs and feeling like the tears wouldn’t stop.  They did.  I could not sleep though.  I tossed and turned all night, and couldn’t fall into a good sleep. 

If you have had a night like that recently, or are going through things you never in a million years imagined you would, here are a few reminders that His mercies are new EVERY morning, and that in spite of what we’re going through, God is STILL good, and we should praise Him still…

Mercies Anew

Every morning that breaks there are mercies anew.
Every breath that I take is Your faithfulness proved,
And at the end of each day, when my labors are through,
I will sing of Your mercies anew

When I've fallen and strayed, there were mercies anew.
For you sought me in love and my heart you pursued.
In the face of my sin, Lord, You never withdrew.
So I sing of Your mercies anew.

And Your mercies they will never end;
For ETERNITY they remain.
And when this world's beauty has passed away,
Your mercies will be unchanged

And when the storms swirl and rage, there are mercies anew.
In affliction and pain, You will carry me through.
And at the end of my days, when your throne fills my view,
I will sing of Your mercies anew. ~ Sovereign Grace Music

 

When All Thy Mercies

When all Thy mercies, O my God,
My rising soul surveys,
Transported with the view I'm lost
In wonder, love, and praise.

Unnumbered comforts to my soul
Thy tender care bestowed
Before my infant heart could know
From whom those comforts flowed

When worn with sickness, oft hast Thou,
With health renewed my face,
And when in sins and sorrows bowed,
Revived my soul with grace.

Through every period of my life
Thy goodness I'll pursue,
And after death, in distant worlds,
The glorious theme renew. ~ Fernando Ortega

 

I Will Praise Him Still

When the morning comes on the farthest hill
I will sing His name, I will praise Him, still.
When dark trials come and my heart is filled
With the weight of doubt, I will praise Him, still.

For the Lord, our God, He is strong to save
From the arms of death, from the deepest grave,
And He gave us life in His perfect will,
And by His good grace, I will praise Him, still. ~ Fernando Ortega

He Knows My Name…

Today I ran into the church to copy music for this Sunday’s service.  I do that every week.  We just have a few songs this week, but one stuck out to me.  “He Knows My Name” is a great song.  I read the words this morning, and they were such a help to me. I came home and listened to the Maranatha Singers sing it on Youtube, and thought I’d share it with you.  It is beautiful.  He KNOWS your name.  It is engraved on the palm of His hand, and NOTHING can erase it.  It doesn’t matter what you are going through, or what life is throwing at you at this moment in time.  God is THERE.  He knows your every need, and He is there to pick up the pieces when life falls apart.  He is your FATHER, and He will never leave you or forsake you.  LIsten to the words and let them fall over your spirit today…I can’t wait to sing this with our worship team on Sunday.  Kelly, I can just HEAR a violin part on this one…I would not be able to sing if I heard it :)

Behold Our God…

I have not been blogging much lately.  It seems in life there are seasons that are busy, and others that are not. I just came through a season that was very busy.  We are done with church programs for the year, we’re done with school for the year (except for catching up a bit of math), and that allows more time to be on the computer.  Our summer vacation has officially begun, and I could not be more ready for it.  This was an exhausting year in many ways, a trying year in many ways, a frustrating year in some ways, a heart breaking year in some ways, and a confusing year in some ways.  But in all of those things God proved to be faithful, trustworthy, gracious, and GOOD…just like He’s always been.  I hope to be around my blog more in the coming weeks, and I hope I have things to share that are worthy of you stopping by to read.

Sunday we introduced a song to our congregation that has been on my mind since.  Because I’m the music admin at our church, I have the responsibility of copying our music and getting it ready for Sunday.  That means I see it ahead of time, and a lot of times I listen to it ahead of time if it’s new and I need to learn a piano part.  This was one of those songs.  I listened to it all week. 

I want to share the song with you, because the words are so powerful, and the melody is different but lovely.  It was a very easy song for the congregation to pick up, and many said it will become a favorite, much like “Before The Throne” has been.

I hope you enjoy it…. “Behold Our God”